Healing

2020 was maybe the most important year of my life. I know that it was awful for so many people who lost loved ones, suffered illness and/or lost their job. For me, it was a year of healing. Due to Covid, our family slowed waaaaaaay down. My husband wasn't traveling once or twice a month for work, we weren't driving the kids all over town for their sports and activities, we weren't traveling for sports, I was laid off, resumed very part-time, then off again. 

There was so much time for good sleep, bubble baths, reading, long walks (sometimes multiple times a day), cooking, and re-prioritizing goals/dreams/budgets. My husband and I started playing basketball with a hoop that we bought for the kids. We had never played before, but we were playing almost every day. It was like high school dating. We took turns picking the music on the portable speaker, we laughed, teased, flirted - and it was something that we had never done in our 12 years together. 

In 2017, I quit dieting (and weighing myself) after twenty years of extreme dieting, restriction and over-exercise. I didn't quit exercise or nutrition, but I quit intentionally trying to change the size and shape of my body. I am so grateful to have found the Intuitive Eating and Health At Every Size (HAES) models, and Be Nourished/Body Trust in Portland, Oregon. In the last three years, I have done self-study, group learning, individual counseling and marriage counseling. This time at home and together during 2020, allowed all that work to actually go to work - without a lot of distraction. My mind and body were able to really heal, and I was able to really listen to and connect with my body in a way that I never have before. 

I discovered in August that I was having reactions to gluten. It wasn't the first period in my life when people have said they thought I might be gluten intolerant, or that I had tried to give up gluten. For whatever reason, the unpleasantness of the consequences finally outweighed my love of gluten. I haven't had gluten (on purpose) in 149 days. A month after I quit eating gluten, I started craving meat. I had been a vegetarian for 13-years. During those 13-years, I never missed or craved meat. In September of 2020, there was no ignoring my brain and body telling me "Feed me meat!" So, I had my first burger on Labor Day weekend. I'm still a bit "hit or miss" about when and what type of meat I want, but I am no longer a vegetarian.

When I cut out gluten, that is when I had to cut out my beloved IPA. The gluten free IPAs just were not the same. I knew I got congested when I drank beer, but I had just ignored it until then. I have a hunch that I might be intolerant to all alcohol in general, but I don't know that for sure. Three months after I gave up gluten, and two months after I started eating meat, I quit drinking. I don't know that any of this would have happened if my family hadn't slowed way down and took a "time-out" during 2020. 

What we went through with my daughter's recent health scare, was every parent's nightmare. The last week of 2020 was torture. I didn't drink to pass the time or numb the fear. On the last day of 2020, she had her surgery, and we got the best news we could possibly receive. I did not drink to celebrate. Not even on New Year's Eve. My husband and I drank yummy mocktails with the kids, and were asleep by 10:30 PM. My first sober NYE since I was a teenager, and my first NYE not staying up until midnight since I was little. 

I'm happy. I'm grateful. I'm blessed. I'm healthy. I'm really excited for 2021!