He Knew it was his Last Christmas

 

My Brother, Sister-In-Law and three Nephews came to visit for Christmas of 2021. My Mom was afraid that my Dad wouldn't even make it to Christmas. I knew he would. His lungs were clearing up from the immunotherapy side-effect, and they were able to continuously decrease the steroid dosage. 

My Dad couldn't receive treatment during this time, which was stressful for all of us. We were anxious for him to resume treatment.

It was during this the holiday season that he was also diagnosed as a diabetic. He was checking his blood sugars religiously and documenting his numbers in his spiral notebook. He started eating as little carbs as possible. Adding to his weight loss. My husband and I thought it was ridiculous that he was told to worry about his blood sugar, when he's got a life threatening cancer and a lung infection. 

The time with my brother's family was very special. My Mom was in heaven having them all in her new home, and having all of her grandchildren together. My Dad was still able to walk, sit in chair and on the couch during this time. He took his "lie downs" but was overall still Dad. 

I had not really seen my Dad cry at this point in my life. He said that he got "misty-eyed" during my cousin's wedding when I was in elementary school. He said that he shed a tear during his Dad's funeral. I could hear emotion in his voice when I told him that my first husband wanted a divorce. I could hear the emotion in his voice when I spontaneously started bleeding when I was pregnant with my son, and had to be on bed rest for two weeks. I could hear the tenderness and care when I called him crying saying that my daughter needed a biopsy. 

On the day that my brother and his family were scheduled to leave, we took several family photos. My Dad cried throughout the whole "photo shoot". The pictures are brutally heart wrenching. When he had to say goodbye to my brother, he cried even harder. I can't explain how uncomfortable and awful that was for me. Obviously, he thought he was saying goodbye to his son for the last time. It was too much for me to take. My brother surprisingly was more comfortable with it than I was. It was brutal for him too of course, but he was more comfortable with my Dad's emotion than I was. 

After my brother and his family left, my Dad and my Daughter watched a show about space and astronauts together. She watched all kinds of things with him that she wouldn't watch on her own. She loved that time with him - asking him questions, making funny comments. I was proud of her strength at the age of 11, to be able to hold space for Grandpa, for her Mom, and help us all settle our emotions.