Lies

Laying in bed last night, I was thinking about what I used to get from alcohol. I've written about how I've realized that it no longer adds value to my life. So what value did it once add (real or perceived)?

When I first started drinking, I'm sure it was to feel grown-up and cool. It eventually became something I used to make and connect with new friends. But what really stood out to me last night, was that I've used alcohol to lie to myself. 

Alcohol was my way of lying to myself about:

• Being comfortable when I wasn't
• Wanting to do things that I didn't want to do
• Enjoying things and people that I wouldn't otherwise enjoy
• Being comfortable with not being productive (or God forbid...lazy!)
• Being happy with and comfortable with my body 
• Not feeling trapped and powerless in some aspects in my life
• The real and clear picture of some of my relationships 
• My worth exactly as I was/am (introverted, emotional, a homebody that also likes nature and to travel, passionate, loyal, excitable, creative in my own way, ambitious, compassionate, extremely empathetic and loving).

The truth that my sober brain knows:

• It's OK that I'd rather go out to coffee/lunch/for a walk/ with a friend or a small group of friends, rather than a party. 
• It's OK that at 38 (or any age) that I don't like the bar or club scene. 
• It's OK that I love to read more than doing a lot of things. 
• It's OK to let people in my life go who don't enjoy sober me.
• It's OK to be uncomfortable. 
• It's OK to do nothing.
• I am so much more healthy mentally and physically without alcohol. 
• Alcohol was holding me back. 
• I like sober me better than drinking me.