Would you rather?
I can rule out mountains immediately. I like to look at snow, walk through snow (in proper footwear), and I did have a blast one time on a snowmobile date with my husband. However, I don't ski or snowboard and I'm over snow pretty quickly.
I would love to have a house on the beach AND on a lake (too bad I've never played the Lottery). The beach location would have to be tropical. I want water that I can walk right into and swim. The lake would have to be very clean water. Ideally there would be a waterfall very nearby. I love waterfalls.
I haven't thought about this question since I quit drinking. Does my answer change if there is no alcohol in the picture? If I had to live in a snowy location, that would likely drive me to drink! In the past, water, sand, boats, campfire, swimming, palm trees, bathing suits, etc., all equaled vacation. Vacation = drinking. At 80 days without alcohol, I'm looking forward to creating new associations with these images and experiences, that don't include alcohol.
While I'd certainly love a cozy house on a beautiful and clean lake, if I had to choose one...it would be a tropical beach location. I love symbolism, and the stillness of a lake speaks to me. However, ocean waves are said to represent big emotions, hidden emotions, threats and opportunities. Drinking dulls my awareness of all of those things, and my full appreciation for the beauty of my surroundings. When I was drinking, I was always at least slightly preoccupied with drinking. Whether ocean or lake, I'd rather be fully present.
What a beautiful way to redirect focus and get your brain up and running. I'll play! As a February baby I've always been partial to a winter landscape- a huge bonus if mountains are included. I feel like this ideal of mine has always been chosen for aesthetic purposes only- mostly to buck up against the "norm" and turn my nose up at the generalized and widely accepted idea that vacation has to be all beach, no snow.
ReplyDeleteBut after the confines of 2020 I've had time to truly analyze my dreams, missed opportunities, and have since relished a sort of carpe diem mentality. I've always hated beaches, or any sort of water-related activity (ironic because I was a competitive swimmer for 5 years) but I now see the direct relationship I have created in my mind: water activities=hating my body.
I have battled with an eating disorder since I was 10 years old and a quite dangerous one at that (at one point I weighed 85 lbs at the age of 26). I have since done the hard work of growing and realizing all of the opportunities for true enjoyment that I have cut myself off from experiencing. Alcohol allowed me the freedom from my insecurities- hence why I found myself face first at the bottom of a slippery slope.
Now however- I will be completely honest with myself without dragging my heavy baggage into the picture: I would LOVE TO LIVE ON A BEACH. There, I said it. Your analogies associating the ocean were so powerful and I have to agree. There is a deep, primal meaning to the ocean. I particularly love beaches at sunset or night time. I think living on a beach (or even just visiting one for a week) would awaken a deeper creativity inside of me and expand my perspective on what I want from this life.
Xoxo
I struggled with body image and disordered eating most of my life as well. Alcohol was definitely an attempt to try to feel comfortable in/with my body and my introverted nature. I'm in a much better place with food and my body now. I hope that you are as well. Happy almost birthday - maybe you can plan a trip to the beach!
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