Freedom

When I first told "The Grandparents" (which are really the parents), that I was maybe quitting drinking, my MIL said "Enjoy your freedom." I knew that was a powerful statement that I would revisit in the future. At the time, it didn't feel like freedom. It felt like something that was probably a good idea but was hard. At 248 days, it does feel like freedom now. 

I celebrated my first ever (since I was a young kid) sober 4th of July. My husband and I did not miss the alcohol. We had a great time at the beach, and we were fully present with our kids. My husband pointed out that in the past we would plan the holiday around no driving (camping or neighborhood festivities). This year, we drove to different beaches and went out to lunch. He said "We can go anywhere at anytime today!"

I notice my husband saying things about his own sobriety, that make me pause and remember he is four months behind me. I didn't feel this at peace and this ease with it four months ago. The benefits and confidence continue to build. 

I'm developing a relationship with my body that I was always striving for, but I couldn't achieve when I was drinking. The only way I can describe it is that it is similar to the feeling I get when I'm watering my beloved house plants, or when I watch my kids enjoy nutritious food or their favorite physical activities. I truly enjoy taking care of myself now guilt-free, and it's only about me and my body. Not what anybody else has said about me or my body my whole life. That is the epitome of my freedom.