When does it get better?

It seems unfair that when a person decides that alcohol is at best, no longer serving them or at worst, destroying their life and health, that things don't get instantly better when they quit. Depending on the situation, those who are physically addicted and dependent get very sick for a long time. They have to get physically well before they can even look at the emotional side of things. For many others, they start at the emotional difficulty - the nostalgia, the habits developed at a young age, and having to discover who they are without alcohol. 

If you could feel as great as so many people say they feel after they have been sober a long time, I'm sure many more people would quit. You see the people who's health has transformed. They are vibrant and full of life, they are EXCITED about life (truly excited - not the excitement one feels because they have trips and events up ahead that involve alcohol), their relationships improved, they are on fire at work, etc. 

It doesn't just magically happen over night. There is a lot of learning and growing to be done. A lot of discomfort. The discomfort comes from really having to just be with yourself and every emotion and...ride it out. Truly the only way out is through. You have to ask yourself some tough questions and dig deep for the answers. You may need to work with a professional to help you do that. Some helpful questions I've asked myself:

Why is this activity/event not fun without alcohol? 

Why is this activity/event hard without alcohol? 

Why am I more comfortable and confident with alcohol?

Why do I not enjoy this person without alcohol?

If I needed alcohol to enjoy a particular event, activity or person, maybe that event/activity/person is not for me. When things are truly fun, they are fun without alcohol. When people really add value to your life, you don't need alcohol to enjoy/tolerate them. What is fun for others, does not have to be fun for me. 

Why did I start using alcohol? What did it do for me? Why did I continue?

Does alcohol add value to my life? 

Does alcohol help me to reach my full potential? 

Does alcohol really promote peace and relaxation, or does it ultimately do the opposite?

Who am I if I don't have alcohol to hide behind? 

There is no way to predict how long it will take an individual to learn what questions they need to ask themselves, or how long it will take them to identify the answers. I am grateful that I am stubborn and that I have faith. I believed that it will keep getting better. I'm grateful that I am a person who relentlessly searches for resources and examples. 

I desperately wanted to get on the other side, but it felt like it was taking FOREVER for life to truly be better without alcohol. I knew my health was better, my bank account was better, and my marriage was better (once he quit drinking too). However, it still felt awkward to not drink or explain why I wasn't drinking, it was at times emotional not to drink, and I hadn't been able to answer all of the questions above. 

Many people have quit (myself and my husband included), didn't feel like life was any better and in a lot ways it was harder, and then went back to drinking. You have to quit for a long time for things to get better, and you have to do the deep work for it to stick. 

At almost eleven months, I feel like I'm on the other side. I'm sure I'll see those questions differently as time goes on. I'll answer them differently and learn from them in new ways. I am finally turning into those people who really are much happier without alcohol in their life. You just have to go through a period of discomfort to get there. It's worth it.