Ink & Energy

I wasn't sure I was coming back to this place. It became a painful, vulnerable and uncomfortable space that felt necessary but too raw. 

It's been over a year since I was here. I'm still sober. 3.5 years now! I'm still grieving the loss of my Dad. His 76th birthday would have been next week. 

I've continued to grow in my career. My kids are thriving. My husband is still sober and thriving. Meanwhile, there's still a lot of healing and discovery to explore.

When my Dad was sick, I came across the book Dying to Be Me by Anita Moorjani. I don't remember how I learned about that book. Maybe I searched for books about death and dying or healing. It was my first introduction to thinking about the death experience in the way she described, and the potential to heal ourselves from within. The book gave me comfort as we prepared for my Dad's passing, and it impacted me enough that I bought a copy for other loved ones.

After my Dad passed, my boss bought be a book called Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson. That book also planted seeds that got me thinking in new ways as I desperately wanted to connect with my Dad. 

Recently, for my 42nd birthday, I got my first tattoo that represents the moments my Mom and I sang my Dad to the other side. My tattoo also symbolizes my Dad watching over us, and the beautiful life that there is still left to live here on earth. I LOVE my tattoo! It's big and beautiful. I've never seen anything like it and I could not be more moved by how it turned out. Watching my Dad, my person, slowly die a miserable death has forever changed me. My tattoo also represents my rebirth in a way. 

Reading my last blog post from over a year ago, it's interesting that I wrote about how I have no desire to go back to church. In this moment, I wanted to write that it's an odd coincidence, but I'm learning to realize that there are no coincidences. I was guided back to my blog, back to that post, to be reminded how far I've come and it's time to continue the journey. 

In an effort to continue my healing and self-discovery, I recently went to a meditation and Reiki workshop (very brave of me!). I had my first energy healing appointment with a healer I met at that workshop. I scheduled an appointment with a different energy healer on my Dad's birthday to try/explore other modalities. I also have an appointment with a traditional mental health counselor to work through caring for my Mom. 

I feel excited about life in a way I haven't since my Dad passed. I feel more hopeful and curious. I want to learn how to really meditate (It's so hard!). I am open to learning all that I can about healing, connecting, listening, letting go and thriving.